dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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