everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
