I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Help. Why am I so naked?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
