im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
