Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
