is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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