I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
