i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I FOUND THE LEGS
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
