so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
