Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
