My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
