My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize