they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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