You're so nebulous sometimes
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
