Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
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