i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize