well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
