I think my vagina is haunted
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
