I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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