I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
