i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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