So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
This baby is an asshole
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
