theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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