did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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