For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
