I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
FUCK WHALES
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