You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
