I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
