is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
