Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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