East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
