I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
