Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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