My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
