at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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