Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
