hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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