Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
