Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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