I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
