It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
