I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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