My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
