What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
