I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
