i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
