Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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