babies were throwing up all over the place
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize