It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
