I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
