We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize