Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
