I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
