hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
