Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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