just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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