I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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