I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
