So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
i out mim tonsoeep
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