I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
