found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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