Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
wrigley field is MILF paradise
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize