I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
My balls are so social today.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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