so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize