just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I love you. Go after that dick
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
