I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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