Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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