Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Life is so much better after having sex.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
