i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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