were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Randomize
