Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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