I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
