I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
