You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
