You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
