Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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