No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize